Quack

Friday afternoons at work are notoriously slow all over the world. Vanuatu is no exception to this rule. (Or perhaps they invented it?) Anyway, when the personell officer pops her head around the door of your office Friday afternoon at 3.30 asking if anyone is interested in listening to a woman who would like to talk to us about sea weed ("Huh? Sea weed?", "Yes, sea weed!") the answer quite naturally is: "Ofcourse! Bring it on."

First order of business by the sea weed woman was to correct the invitation. The titel of her talk - accompanied by a hand-out, very professional! - was "Si vejetabol emi gat plante ius". That is to say: Sea vegetables have a lot of uses. ("No shit?")

After which she explained that not only are sea vegetables a very rich source of vitamins and minerals, but the medicinal purposes are just fenomenal. The list of ailments they cure include such nasties as:

(in Bislama, see if you can work it out):

cansa;

daebitis;

paralais;

maegran;

stress;

fatfat bodi;

constipaesen;

coneria;

big leg (What on earth is 'big leg'??)

diaria;

anemia;

siknes blong faol (could this be Avian flue? Call the WHO!)

TB;

continues bleeding;

blindness;

fish posen and

insect bites.

Wow! Very impressive indeed. And it doesn't stop there: apparently sea vegetables are all the more effective if these diseases are the result of someone using black magic on you!

Who would have thought? This is medical history in the making. What an enormous relief: Clearly sea weed is the comprehensive health care solution for a Province in the middle of the Pacific with 45.000 inhabitants and not 1 doctor anywhere to be found...

PS: You probably noticed the above list does not include malaria. Not to worry, the si vejetabol womans arsenal included some land-based remedies as well. For malaria you simply boil a pawpaw (=papaya) leaf in some water and drink the resulting brew. Throw out the Doxy.